Everyone knows what it's like to be around someone who just doesn't make them feel great about themselves with their condescending tone of voice. There are all kinds of people who are unpleasant to be around-Debbie downers, complainers, jealous green monsters, mean-spirited snarks, and most anyone who wears neon sunglasses- but if you walk away from another person feeling worse about yourself, there's a good chance you've been dealing with a condescending person. People have a patronizing attitude and exhibit condescending behavior for different reasons, but usually, it boils down to insecurity and/or arrogance. Yes, you can definitely be arrogant and insecure at the same time.
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Here, we point out some behaviors people say that typically don't land well and foster negativity. But it's also important to keep in mind that studies suggest that 75 to 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. So when people feel like someone is talking down to them, it usually has as much to do with what they say as how they say it. Still, if you've been told you have a condescending streak, here are some eye-roll-worthy behaviors to discontinue.
We've all been in a conversation that's moving along just fine, when suddenly you find yourself whisked off on an unexpected detour, riding out someone's impassioned explanation of something that you already know. They're talking at you, wide-eyed, offering each key point like a gift -"so after almost 30 years in prison, he won the Nobel Peace Prize" - and you hardly have the heart to derail their monologue and say, "Uh yeah, I know who Nelson Mandela is."
Finding yourself in this situation is annoying, because the other person has, for whatever reason, assumed that you don't possess the same knowledge, and sometimes emotional intelligence, they do. Chances are they haven't actually weighed the likelihood that you do or don't know what they're explaining-they just know that they know it, and that's enough reason for them to expound. This behavior is often referred to as " mansplaining," but the occasional woman is guilty of it too. The important thing to remember is that respectful two-way conversations involve reading cues from the other person. If you're not certain they're following what you're talking about, you can always ask, "Are you familiar?" But most of the time, it's safer to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Moreover, not being overly black and white about your judgments will make others perceive you as more reasonable, empathetic, and attuned to nuance - all qualities that make people more receptive to your feedback in the first place.
If someone is in the middle of a thought, you should definitely not interrupt to correct their pronunciation. There is no faster way to break someone's momentum or crater their confidence than to interrupt and say, "Um, it's actually "essss-presso,' not "ex-presso.'" Not only will you embarrass the person speaking, but everyone else listening will think you're a know-it-all jerk for putting someone on the spot in an unnecessary and condescending manner.
Many bosses swear by this feedback method, which involves starting out with a compliment, giving a critique, and then ending with another compliment. It's seen as a way of cushioning criticism. And it's true that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down sometimes. But at this point the formula is pretty easy to spot, and often the praise on either side of the critique-the real point of feedback, typically-can feel forced. Many people see a compliment sandwich and think, Just give it to me straight.
Overly familiar, one-size-fits-all nicknames-especially from people you interact with in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look. This is particularly true for condescending people in positions of authority. While a male boss might think calling his subordinate "chief" is a way of being chummy, or rubbing elbows with the little people, it tends to come across with a patronizing tone. A woman boss might think she's being approachable or motherly by calling her female employees "honey" or "sweetie," but that can lead to a sense of false familiarity that makes it difficult for employees to speak frankly. Plus, those nicknames are almost always gender-exclusive; a male boss isn't going to call his female employee "chief" (and hopefully in 2022 he knows not to call any woman besides his wife "honey"). So the chummy nicknames most people find condescending end up being pretty exclusionary, too.
When it comes to interacting with people who are providing you with a service of some kind-whether it's the custodian in your office building, a server at a restaurant, your housekeeper, or your cab driver-nicknames are especially risky. Calling other men "Chief," "Boss" or "Big Guy" is a weird sort of faux-submission posturing. In a 2019 poll taken by Men's Health, 43 percent of respondents said that when another guy calls him "Boss," he thinks that guy is a "condescending a**hole." Those odds aren't probably worth going up against. Luckily, the alternative to one-size-fits-all nicknames isn't too hard to implement and works every time. You can just learn people's actual names.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but it happens more often than you'd think. In general, it's not a great idea to touch people who aren't family members or close friends. It's true that in the repertoire of touching methods, "patting" acquaintances is a better option than "stroking," "smacking" or "pinching," and there are certain scenarios in which patting someone on the back or shoulder is entirely acceptable. But head-patting is never okay. If you pat someone's head they will invariably be forced to look up at you-in confusion or possibly an attempt to displace your hand-and then you'll find yourself in the literal predicament of "looking down on them." So if someone's head is within patting reach-perhaps they are much shorter than you, or are sitting in a wheelchair, or an office chair-and you feel the urge to pat coming on, just remove yourself from the situation.
This is an ancient and highly transparent method for communicating superiority from a condescending coworker. Whether you're talking about how Jack Dorsey was at your yoga retreat last weekend, or how you're on a first-name basis with Chrissy Teigen's sister's husband, you're always going to come across as seeming like you think famous people are pretty important. It's fine to be excited that you found yourself in the presence of a celebrity or powerful figure. The issue is when you go to the trouble to name drop, but then act like it's no big deal, which suggests that you consider these people important enough to mention, but also consider yourself among their peers. To whoever you're speaking to, the implicit message is, 'I know important people, ergo I'm important.' Others are likely to find this behavior condescending and a bit pathetic.
This sort of "sigh, shame-on-you" comment can be used in all kinds of situations but is almost always seen as a condescending remark. It's the sort of thing an exasperated parent would say to their child, so when one adult says it to another, they sound like a scold with a condescending attitude. Say you're having a debate over politics and someone says, "Come on, you know better than that." You can't help but feel like they're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish. Even if you're doing something objectively bad for you-say, smoking a cigarette-when someone says, "Come on, you know better than that," it's such a parental rebuke that you'll probably relapse into adolescent "don't tell me what to do" mode and smoke more cigarettes to spite them. If you disagree with someone's opinion, there's no problem with saying that directly. If you disagree with their lifestyle choices, it's usually best to mind your own business.
Evaluation of these HUD programs showed that poor and minority families will respond and take advantage of real opportunities [52]. Moreover, these interventions can increase income, improve safety and security and improve physical and mental health. However, programs that will be effective in the long term must tackle all of the major barriers that poor individuals and communities face: housing, safety, health, employment and education. For example, people need help not only in finding jobs but also in keeping jobs. This means that issues of retention, advancement, commuting costs, and child care also have to be addressed. In addition, meaningful change requires sustained effort over time. There has been rigorous evaluation of the health impact of the MTO Program. One study found that 10 to 15 years after poor public housing families had been randomized to move to less poor neighborhoods, those who had moved had lower levels of obesity, severe obesity and diabetes risk [53].
Hospitals are often the largest employer in many communities. Health care systems and other healthcare providers can make effective use of local community resources and strengthen their surrounding communities by providing job training and job opportunities (e.g., as community health workers or medical assistants) in health care to community residents with limited educational attainment that constrains their economic prospects. Such initiatives can help to improve the economic security, stability and health of people in low income communities while simultaneously addressing a growing need for health care workers.
I interviewed with people I already know and found it took the edge off. I was prepared and answered the questions well, but because I knew the people already and shared a similar sense of humour I was able to make jokes and the whole thing was just a pleasant easy conversation (and I got the job).
I did an interview for an internal transfer recently to a team I already collaborated quite closely with. I was quite nervous, rather well prepared and it actually did not go at all how I envisioned it:
It would have been nice to have known this before and saved all the work I put into the preparation. I was in fact a bit disappointed! I guess, I still will prepare for the next one. But interviewers: Please let people know if you do not plan to actually interview them! 2ff7e9595c
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